Ditch The Guilt

Published in Sibella Publications: Luminous Wisdom, June 2022.

One of the biggest surprises for me when I decided to have children and continue working, was just how hard it would be to have and do it all.   No matter what I didn’t, it was just never enough.  I felt like an area of my life was missing out and I was stretching myself to do and be more.

As I’ve grown older, I am now aware that this is the case regardless of whether you have a family or not.  As women, there are many sacrifices and compromises in our lives.  If I’m being honest, it’s really not fair.  However, it’s not something I dwell on.

Generations ago, things seemed a lot simpler however I’ll guarantee that many of the housewives dreamt of more.  Not to be stuck at home simply keeping house for their husband.  Yes, things have changed a lot – but have they really?  The majority of working women that I know still do the lion’s share of home requirements and raising of the children as well as building their career.

This article is not about rights and what each gender should be doing.  Instead it is a message to the women trying to do it all, to tell you that it’s ok.  You are doing an amazing job.  Whatever decisions you have made or are looking to make in your life, are simply perfect.  And there is always a way to navigate through and live the life you’ve dreamt of.

First thing is first.  Let’s get rid of that guilt that we are always carrying, and that weighs us down.  Guilt is such a wasted emotion.

It’s important to know this.  No matter what course you have chosen in life, you are enough.  What I’ve come to realize after many years of judging myself is that perfect is not attainable.  The absolute most important thing is that you are happy and doing what you love.  Your kids don’t care if things aren’t perfect, they just want a mum that loves them and is there to spend time with.  Stop worrying that you’re not doing enough.  

Most employers are now aware how important having women in the workplace is.  We are often the golden employees who allow for ease and flow.  We are compassionate, build community and bring a sense of calm.  We need to know that although a job is important, it is not our everything.  

And lastly, you do not have to do everything yourself.  That is the biggest misconception that really causes issues.  We feel the need to prove ourselves, however who are doing that for?  Other mothers who are also suffering?  It’s time to let that go. 

My advice is to simplify every single aspect of your life.  Let go of things that are not serving you.  Embrace the things you love.  Delegate to others in your life – no point being a martyr if you are just working to the bone.  And most importantly, enjoy your life. 

Photo credit:  Benjamin Manley, Unsplash.com