What Self-Care Actually Looks Like for Women | Why It's Not as Simple as Booking a Massage
We’ve stepped away from ourselves
Self-care gets thrown around all over the place these days. Massages. Face masks. A “treat yourself” glass of wine after a long day. I mean, who doesn’t love a good massage? But the reality is, self care is so much more than that.
Society has placed so much value on our output. How much we can do. What we achieve. How well we hold it all together. And ladies, we expect so much of ourselves that it’s genuinely impossible to keep up. Somewhere in the chase to keep proving it, we’ve stepped away from our true self into what’s expected of us.
I know, this is heavy. But here’s the truth: the mere fact that we need to schedule time for “self care” is a real issue. Think about that for a second. We’ve built lives so far removed from our own needs that looking after ourselves has become an appointment, a task on your neverending to do list.
Self-care shouldn’t need a label. It should just be part of how we live, woven in, not squeezed in. Because our lives were never meant to be one chore or job after another. Regardless of where you’re at, making self care a part of your everyday is life changing.
A weekend away isn’t the answer
Now more than ever, women in particular need to change how we’re doing this. Not just tweak it, but start from scratch and replace the whole operating system.
A massage, a weekend away, an occasional pajama day, they feel good in the moment. But they’re a bandaid on a life that has you running on empty as the default setting. You can’t spa-day your way out of that.
Why this runs so deep
The way so many of us live didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s layered, and a lot of it is generational.
Be easy going. Don’t make a fuss. Put everyone else first. So many of us grew up absorbing messages like these, quietly, without ever choosing them. Over time they shaped us into women who put our own needs last, if we even let them surface at all. I spent over 30 years in a corporate career built on exactly that: giving to everyone else 24/7, just to keep my head above water. That’s not who you are. It’s what you were taught, long before you had a say in it.
These patterns don’t just live in our thinking, they sit at a subconscious level, running quietly in the background of everything we do. That’s why affirmations and thinking positively rarely make a dent in things. Something like PSYCH-K® works at that deeper level, gently helping to change the beliefs driving the behavior, not just the behavior itself.
Where to actually start
You don’t need to overhaul your whole life this week. Start smaller than that.
As a certified Self Care Coach, I recommend my clients start with just a few small steps. Things such as:
- Say no to one thing this week without over-explaining. Practice the short version: “That doesn’t work for me.” No essay of justification required. If boundaries are your sticking point, my Boundaries ebook walks you through exactly how.
- Give your nervous system five minutes of actual rest, daily. Legs up the wall, slow exhales longer than your inhales, phone in another room. Not as a treat, but as a signal to your body that it’s safe to stand down. My free 5-Minute Cortisol Reset is a simple way to start.
- Protect one hour a week that’s just yours, and don’t let anyone touch it. Not for chores, not for anyone else’s needs. Just yours.
None of these fix everything overnight. But they’re a real starting point, not another item to add to the pile.
Is it possible to feel like yourself again?
Yep. Bloody oath it is.
It starts with small, honest steps like these, and a willingness to stop waiting for permission to put yourself on the list.
Until next time, Kim.
If this resonated, know it doesn’t have to stay this way. I work with high-achieving women who are done running on empty and ready to optimize their health, feel like a million bucks, and actually thrive, not just get by. Get in touch here or book a free discovery call and let’s talk, no pressure, just a real conversation about what’s going on for you.
Kim Wagner is a certified IIN Health Coach, Self Care Coach, and Menopause Coach, and a PSYCH-K® Preferred Facilitator.